All the questions and answers come directly from Smart Love Solutions in Early Childhood-A Handbook for Parents, Teachers and Caregivers by Drs. Martha Heineman Pieper and William J. Pieper.


Ever since my nine-year-old daughter was a toddler people who know her well have warned me, “You’re in for a stormy adolescence.” I understand why they think this. She is a high-energy and high-intensity kid, very sensitive and passionate. But I generally resist the idea of labeling kids and fear that making this assumption may be a self-fulfilling prophesy. Now that adolescence is just around the corner, I am wondering two things: does a child’s temperament really affect how difficult she will be during her adolescent years, and is there anything I can do now to pave the way for making that period as harmonious as possible?

A: The fact that your daughter is “high-energy and high-intensity” in no way implies that her adolescence will be stormy. In fact, adolescents who are intense and energetic often are very accomplished and manage successfully to juggle school, recreational activities and friendships.

Actually, the most important determinant of the kind of adolescence a child will have is the nature of her relationship with you.

A stormy adolescence is an adolescence in which parents feel that they don’t know what is happening with their child, the child is behaving in ways of which the parents don’t approve, or the child adamantly resists parental input and oversight. All of this unhappiness can be avoided if parents manage to establish a close relationship with their child is. The key to becoming a parent to whom your child looks for guidance and in whom your child wants to confide is to not expect the child to be more grown up than her age warrants, to manage her behavior with kindness rather than discipline and always to show her that you love and care.

You don’t say what your relationship with your daughter is like, but clearly you feel very positively about her. When children feel loved and appreciated by their parent, they are likely to confide in them and to trust them. If your daughter looks to you for help and comfort now, she will continue to do so when she encounters problems in adolescence.

The most important action you can take now to ensure a harmonious adolescence is to spend lots of positive time with your daughter and to listen carefully and sympathetically to her ideas and point of view. It is a myth that adolescents need to rebel and distance themselves from parents during adolescence. What they truly need and want more than anything is to have parents that they can confide in and consult.

If you continue to create an atmosphere in which your daughter feels comfortable sharing her feelings and asking your advice, you will find that your daughter’s adolescence will not be stormy and that it will only deepen your relationship.


All the questions and answers come directly from Smart Love Solutions in Early Childhood-A Handbook for Parents, Teachers and Caregivers by Drs. Martha Heineman Pieper and William J. Pieper.

Q: Constant sibling bickering requires individual attention

I have two boys, ages three and two. I know you do not advise having children so close together, but the second son was not planned. All they seem to do is fight. They want the same toys and all my attention. The younger one usually gets the worst of it, although he retaliates by ruining a building project or taking his brother’s favorite stuffed animal. I send them to their rooms, give them time-outs and more often than I would like I end up screaming at both of them. I am absolutely at my wit’s end. What do you suggest?

A: Usually, when siblings are fighting this persistently each believes that he is not getting enough parental attention and affection. If there is another parent, divide up and spend time with each of the boys and let them experience some undivided attention and caring. Of course, if you are a single parent, then there is only one of you and satisfying the needs of two young children at the same time can be very difficult. But, you can take advantage of times when one of the boys is sleeping, at preschool or at a friend’s house. Resist the temptation to use that time to get chores done and instead use it to give the other boy some time with just the two of you. Filling each of the boys with love and affection is the most effective way to get them to stop fighting.

In the meantime there are some strategies that might minimize the mayhem. For now buy toys in duplicate to cut down on the squabbling. When fighting starts rather than screaming or giving time-outs, try keeping first one and then the other boy by your side. Find them something to do or enlist them in your activity if possible. They can help vacuum, dust or do other chores.

Cooperative activities that require both boys to “pull together,” such as cooking where one pours and one stirs can also cut down on friction. If you stick with this approach and add your own creative tactics, you will increasingly find that the boys are getting along better and perhaps even becoming good friends.

All the questions and answers come directly from Smart Love Solutions in Early Childhood-A Handbook for Parents, Teachers and Caregivers by Drs. Martha Heineman Pieper and William J. Pieper.

Q: How to teach kids virture

I have three boys who are ages ten, six and four. My six- and four-year-olds play wonderfully together by always compromising and working out their disagreements. When my ten-year-old gets involved the “fireworks” start. He and his six-year-old brother have very opposite personalities. My ten-year-old seems to always want to tease and leave out the six-year-old. He basically only wants to play with his youngest brother, because they get along so well. I am not sure how to handle this situation. Do I force him to play with both of them? Do I explain to him how incredibly unkind it is to leave his brother out and making him cry; believe me, I’ve tried. I am at my wit’s end; what should I do?

A: You raise a problem that every parent confronts at some point, which is how to teach vitue. As you have realized lectures and shaming make children feel terrible, but do not change their behavior (at least when adults are not around). Forcing your ten-year-old to include the six-year-old in his play will prove just as counterproductive, because it will make him angrier at the six-year-old and less inclined to play with him.

We are all born with a strong desire to become like those who are important to us. So, the best way to teach children to share and to care is to treat them with compassion and generosity. Over time children will emulate these positive responses and learn to be caring toward themselves and others.

When your ten-year-old is teasing your six-year-old try to put your anger to one side and offer a positive response your children can emulate. For example you might ask the ten-year-old if he would like to play a game with you. The two younger children can then play peacefully, and you have defused the situation without shaming or angering the ten-year-old. A second alternative is to let the ten-year-old and four-year-old play, and involve the six-year-old in a game or other activity. If, as is likely, the other two children ask to play with you and the remaining brother, you can include them with the result that the ten-year-old will see both that you want to include everyone, and also that it really is possible for all of the brothers to play together happily.

All the questions and answers come directly from Smart Love Solutions in Early Childhood-A Handbook for Parents, Teachers and Caregivers by Drs. Martha Heineman Pieper and William J. Pieper.

Q: I am a home daycare provider with six children in my care. This summer, my program was overwhelmingly full of boys, and some new issues have come up.

One of the boys currently at my home who is five years old has the hardest time when playing games, if he is not the one always ahead and the winner. He wants to play organized game such as football, baseball, dinosaur checkers, etc., but he storms off if anyone gets slightly ahead of him.

I explain that one of the boys is almost two years older than him, and therefore has had two year’s more experience than he has. The other boys who range in age from four to six back me up with this and try to help me explain this to the boy. The other kids tell him, “No one wins all of the time.” He gets so upset, quits the game and vows never to come back here. What do you suggest we say or do to help him?

A: This is a striking example of a child with a strong appetite for competitive games that is powered not by love of playing but by a desperate need to succeed. As a result he must win in order to feel worthwhile. Losing or even falling behind confirms all his fears of being inadequate and causes him to feel unbearable pain.

It is no wonder that his response to this misery is the wish to leave and not come back. Because he is not in control of this vicious circle, efforts to get him to consider the inevitability of defeat are doomed to fail. Even when he wins, his relief will be short-lived, as his underlying insecurity continues unabated, and the specter of losing continues to loom on his horizon.

The kindest and most helpful thing to do for this child is to encourage him to pursue activities that are consistently enjoyable and allow him to feel in control of a successful outcome. Activities that would be good for this boy would be non-competitive.

We suggest that you tell him in a friendly and non-judgmental manner that for now you are going to find something else for him to do when the other children are playing sports. Explain that since his response to losing is to feel terrible about himself it would be better not to play these games, until he can feel comfortable inside when he doesn’t win.

Because you are helping him and not punishing him, do try to find a non-competitive substitute activity that he will truly enjoy, such as painting or building. We would emphasize that since this child’s central problem is his insecurity, he may react even to non-competitive activities by feeling inadequate.

For example, he may say that the picture he painted “stinks.” However, it will be easier to help him feel good about his effort in a context where there are no clear winners and losers.

In general the greatest gift you can give this boy is to relate to him in a manner that tells him he is likeable, liked just for himself and respected as a capable, competent person. In this way you will make a real contribution to his future emotional well-being.

Alderman Cappleman’s office is sponsoring a meeting to discuss development plans for Pensacola Place on Mon., Nov. 16, 7:00 p.m. in the community room at Pensacola Place, 4334 N Hazel St. which is the high-rise that is part of the Jewel complex at Sheridan and Montrose.

The new owners of Pensacola Place would like to amend the current Planned Development from 1973 for that site to build townhouses where a portion of the current commercial space is on Hazel and make other changes and upgrades.

This is not technically a zoning change, but it does require the Alderman’s approval, so he would like to host a meeting for both Buena Park Neighbors Association and the Clarendon Park Neighborhood Association to attend to hear any questions or concerns.

Planned Development Exhibits:


The latest newsletter from Friends of the 46th Ward Schools.

Back to School!

A lot has happened since our last official newsletter! Our call for new board members and additional volunteers to keep our group going was answered by a chorus of interested community members willing to help. We held a transitional meeting on August 6 and we were so encouraged and energized by the turnout! The fact that so many people attended the meeting or expressed an interest in helping us meant that what we are doing is worthwhile. WE knew it, but to know that so many of you believe it too is a great feeling. It means we all have the same goal in mind and it means supporting the public schools in the 46th Ward is a priority for all of us.

Our supporters come from all walks of life. They have no kids, or young kids, or grown kids. They work, they are retired, they are stay-at-home parents. They go to school. They live in the 46th Ward and they live outside the 46th Ward. It is inspiring to see all of these people from different backgrounds uniting for a common cause. WE are Friends of the 46th Ward Schools and WE continue on to support the six public schools in our ward. We are honored to be allowed to continue our work.

Thank you to all of the supporters who have attended our meetings, expressed an interest in helping us, donated funds and school supplies, spread the word about our mission and activities, and generally worked to help our 46th Ward students thrive. You are the heart of our organization and it lives because of you.

Here’s What’s Growing

Outgoing Board Members

Two of our board members have stepped back to fulfill other commitments and pursue other interests. While they are no longer serving as board members, they will still be involved with Friends of the 46th Ward Schools and will continue to contribute their time and perspectives when they are able. We’d like to take this opportunity to thank Jenni Masterson, our Outgoing President, and Susan Ridihalgh, our Outgoing Treasurer for their many contributions to our group. If it weren’t for them, the group would not exist, plain and simple. They have been generous donors of their time and resources as we started things up and they have been exemplary collaborators as we’ve kept things moving. Their community is all the better for it and we thank them for all they’ve done.

New Board Members

We have two new board members and one continuing board member who has shifted roles. Shelly Tozzi, formerly the board’s Secretary, has moved into the role of President. Chris Jessup is serving as Secretary and Sarah Casey is our new Treasurer. Our new board members are dedicated residents of the 46th Ward and have been very active in the community. They are energetic and passionate; generous and hard-working. We’re all looking forward to working together to continue the projects initiated since the group’s inception and we’re excited to come up with creative new ideas for supporting our schools.

Fall School Supply Drive

Our 46th Ward students return to school on Tuesday, September 8 and our Fall School Supply drive is already underway. We’re working with Alderman Cappleman’s office again this year and his office (4544 N. Broadway, Mon. 9-7, Tues.-Fri. 9-5) serves as the primary drop-off site for donations. Donated school supplies can also be dropped off at the Uptown Library Branch (929 W. Buena, Mon. & Wed. 10-6, Tues. & Thurs. 12-8, Fri. & Sat. 9-5). You can find printable lists of needed school supplies on our website.

You can also purchase supplies from our Amazon Wish List. Items purchased through the Wish List will be sent directly to Alderman Cappleman’s office. We’ve already started to receive quite a few donations this way so it seems to be pretty popular. Most of the items we selected are Prime eligible so you won’t pay additional shipping costs if you are an Amazon Prime member. Also, if you’ve selected Friends of the 46th Ward Schools as your Amazon Smile charity, Amazon will donate a portion of your purchases (from our Wish List or otherwise) to our group so it’s like helping us twice! To find out more about Amazon Smile, click here.

If you are time-crunched or don’t like shopping, you can donate to Friends of the 46th Ward Schools through Paypal. Follow this link to the Paypal donation button on our website. As always, all donations are tax deductible.

Fall Fundraiser

We’re planning a mid-September fundraiser in conjunction with our Fall School Supply Drive. We’ll announce details soon. Once again, we will be looking for donations of raffle prizes for our fundraiser. If you have something you’d like to donate or have suggestions of 46th Ward businesses we should approach, please let us know! We’re always looking to make new connections. Our raffle prizes are usually a big draw at our fundraisers and we like to provide fresh options to encourage more donors. It’s also a great way to promote 46th Ward businesses.

Pending Donors Choose Projects

Help a 46th Ward teacher by contributing any dollar amount to one of these projects. For a limited time, use matching code JUMPSTART and your donation will be matched by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Just follow the links below.


Great Materials + Eager Students x Daily Stations = Success

Purchase activity stations for middle-school special needs students to practice math, reasoning, and vocabulary skills.

Right Into Writing

Fund reference books, guided learning materials, and editing tools for middle-school writing classes.

Basic Classroom Supplies to Get Our Year Started Right!

Help purchase notebooks, folders, and paper for junior high math students.


No pending projects.


No pending projects.


Getting A Move On Reading!

Purchase interactive DVDs that make learning to read fun for kindergarten students.

Everyone Has Feelings

Help fund 32 books and 2 manipulatives to help preschoolers learn about emotions and manners.

Eager 2nd Grade Artists Needs Supplies!

Help purchase basic art supplies for combined class of bilingual and monolingual students.

Perfect Solution to Second Grade Pencil Problem

Purchase pencils, pencil cases, and incentive prizes to help second graders be more responsible for their pencils.


Help Us Care for Our Class Pet!

Purchase food and bedding to help middle school students care for Oreo, the classroom guinea pig.


No pending projects.

The free End-of-Summer Concert in the Park was a perfect night for relaxing with family and friends and enjoying the music, tasting from food trucks or your own.

“To me the great thing about the Concerts is it feels like Buena Park is small town America, “said Buena Park Neighbors Association President Lisa von Drehle. “It is almost like a 4th of July parade. Make your own night; hang out with neighbors and meet new people.”

For photos of the event click here.

The Buena Park Neighbors Concert in the Park was brought to you by our good friends at The Chicago Cubs, the Chicago Park District and Uptown SSA #34 and Thorek Hospital.


Buena Park Neighbors is a 46th Ward neighborhood association of more than 200 residents, businesses, and not-for-profit organizations in the nationally registered Buena Park Historic District. Our mission is to improve the quality of life for everyone in Buena Park.